What an amazing wife!

"Life is too short to go at it alone." That was the main message Natalie and I shared on Friday when she was invited to be a speaker at a M.O.P.S. (Mothers Of Pre Schoolers) group not far from where we live. The topic she was asked to speak on was "Depression and the importance of community in recovery". I don't know of anyone more qualified to speak on such a topic as Natalie. For those of you who we have not been able to keep in close contact, God has allowed Nat and I to go through some really difficult times during our marriage. Six of the twelve years we've been married have been punctuated by depression, anxiety, psychosis, involuntary hospital commitments, pleas for divorce, running away (as far as Sacramento, Ca), and even a suicide attempt in 2004. I know that there are other who have had it worse than we, but I think it's fair to say that we've seen some hard times.

I kept saying to myself, in the middle of all of that, "Somehow this is part of God's plan, somehow He plans on using what we're going through for good.". On Friday we were blessed to finally see something good come from something very bad. Nat's talk was truly amazing. She is the perfect speaker; experienced, articulate, generous, humble, and riveting. I may be biased, but I really think she is perfect for this. The format of the talk was powerful as well, although she did most of the speaking we had a panel of the "community" that was most closely connected to her during these times. Besides myself, she had most of her Bible study group up there with her, and one other friend who was instrumental in helping carry the load during those times. It was great to hear from those friends of what it was like to watch a loved one go through that, to help, to share in the confusion, to struggle with how best to encourage, and to even battle their own fears while watching what was happening to Natalie.

There is no way we could have made it through without the help of those God had placed around us. Yet, so many people hide what they are going through, so many people keep their struggles from their friends from fear of being a burden, or fear of not being able to reciprocate the kindness of others. Our message Friday was to encourage people, both those going through depression and those watching a loved one go through it, to open themselves up to the help of others (or helping another). There is so much stigma associated with being weak, depressed, or vulnerable. There is so much pride in us, driving us to "fix it ourselves". Don't try it, swallow your pride and ask for help. When others help the blessing works both ways; it's just as much a blessing for the person who has been asked to share a burden as it is for the burdened one. I know for Nat and I, we would actually feel offended if one of our close friends hid from us a struggle we could have shared the load of. I just can't stress enough how important it is to reach out and ask for help, especially with depression. On the same note, because depression is so debilitating to the victim, it is just as important for close friends to be persistent in reaching out to a loved one who appears to be falling into that darkness.

It's just too short of a life to try to fix ourselves alone, reach out for the help that God has already placed around you. If you feel alone and set adrift in a new place, if you've just moved, force yourself to make some new connections and do whatever you have to to keep up your old ones. Don't allow yourself or a loved one to retreat into the darkness of their own mind, it's not a place where healing happens. I could go on and on, but that's for a different day. I'm just so proud of Natalie, and thankful to be watching the good come from something evil.