Confronting the sins we tolerate.

I really don't like a good Bible Study. Yes, that's what I said, sort of. You see, a good Bible study, or study of any endeavor for that matter, brings with it one very difficult aspect; that they do just as much to tear down what you thought you knew as they do inform you with new information.

Natalie and I have more "studies" under our belts than most of you would guess. We have a whole book shelf on relationship studies for couples, for families, for work relationships, and for parenting. We have texts on the human conditions of depression, anxiety, and forgiveness. We have books with secrets; 7 secrets to being good bosses, 10 secrets to understanding yourself (???), 7 keys to good relationships, etc. You get the idea.

You get the idea that we have a surplus of books on understanding people. What I haven't had much of are books that can really help you understand yourself. That's not near as much fun of a journey, the one inward. If anything, that's the last place people really desire to explore. The book "Respectable Sins" by Jerry Bridges is one of those few books that attempt to take the reader on a tour of themselves. Thankfully the reader is guided by watching the author struggle with his own journey rather than be "taught" who they themselves are. Instead we see the author wrestle and struggle with the difference between the self that he presents to others, and the self that really lives and breathes inside.

We have been reading this book, one chapter a week, with a group of others at our church. And I have never seen so much turmoil and churning as what this study has produced. I cannot tell you how many times someone in the group says "I was sure that this chapter wasn't going to apply to me, but oh my word did it ever". It seems like the same week we start on a given subject, that's the same week everyone struggles with the uggliness of that aspect in their lives rearing its head and becoming visible for all to see. I'll be honest, the week we studied anger was the worst week for me in all of our marriage. I have never shown such an ugly side of me as when I was supposed to be teaching about the importance of restraining one's anger. That theme has carried through for so many people that have done the study with us. It honestly stinks, I hate having to deal with the damage control and fallout of people seeing what really lurks under the surface. But, I need it. I need the struggle. I need the exposure. I need the change. I need to turn away from the hidden faults and learn to live a life that can be held up to scrutiny. So, please don't misunderstand me. It's a tough book, but if you are willing to try it, no matter who you are, I would recommend throwing yourself into it. See what happens.

Short Update.

I know I don't post much right now, but thanks for checking in. I just want to say I'm thankful for all of my friends and family, this year especially. The last month or two has been a real study in life's contrasts. As one good thing happens, a painful one seems to happen at the same time. As we get a call of good news one moment, we also get a call for prayer the same day. It reminds me of how thankful I am to have Natalie and Adia for now. I am very aware of how quickly that could all change, even this week we have been witness to events in others' lives that bear that out.

One of my co-workers came to me this week with the news that his friend's three year old daughter was killed in an accident with a horse. He asked me what to do, what to say. I don't have answers for questions like that, I told him that sometimes it's all you can do to just be there with someone. I'm going to try to be more deliberate in how I spend my time with the ones I have. I think we tend to get a little sloppy after awhile with how we use our time. So, I'm thankful for the friends and family I have. Thanks for staying involved in our lives.